just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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