As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
