dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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