He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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