I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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