Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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