Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
