Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
