you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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