I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
