not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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