we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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