Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
