we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
