he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
