I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
19 Totally Clueless People That’ll Make You Say ‘Bless Your Heart’
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
30 Times Ryan Reynolds’ Replies Were The Funniest Thing On Twitter
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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