That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just pee around me
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
