I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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