this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
