Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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