his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize