So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
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We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
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I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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