I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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