I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
