it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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