A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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