apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
