God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
