Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
