do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
