Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
