We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
