you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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