i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
