Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
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We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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