sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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