Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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