I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
