I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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