He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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