i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
