That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
