About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
