why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
