Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
A bitchslap is in order.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
