Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
