Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
