the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
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If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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