why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
