There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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