I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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