I wanna passion pit in your ass
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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