Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
