There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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