i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
