Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
