we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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