No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
