Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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