absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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