i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
