i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
