i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
