Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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