nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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