You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
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I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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