I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
