You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
A bitchslap is in order.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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