but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
