Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
