she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
