he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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