Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
