Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
