whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
