I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
