get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
