Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
