my vag is so smooth its legendary
either way he was missing a nipple.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
