recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Princesses don't give blow jobs
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
