yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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