kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think a kid would responsible me up
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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