Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
