im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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