just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize