So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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