My pussy is not your playground.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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